never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
