Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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