I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found puke in my bra..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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