We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
