I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
