I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
