Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
