i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
