It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
