hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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