What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
