are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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