And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
