What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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