How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
