You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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