so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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