Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
