I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
