People in love make me want to vomit
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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