it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
