Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
