Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
