saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
