Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
where am i from again
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
