She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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