I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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