I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
