Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
