get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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