New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
