We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
