So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
