no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
