I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
