he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
