I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
