Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
