Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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