My sheets look like a crime scene.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
