haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
