I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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