i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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