i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We got so high we made milksteak
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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