Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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