If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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