well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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