you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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