It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
