I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
