Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
