I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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