I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
