Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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